Wednesday, 12 January 2011


Here’s one of the big questions that seems to loom large:  are you a top or a bottom?  Or, are you both?  And what if you decide you’re happy to be neither.

To spell it out in big capital letters, we’re talking about whether a guy penetrates, or gets penetrated in the sex act.  Clearly, with such an intimate act your position is going to be very personal to you.

Being Bottom ...

Some regard this as the submissive role but it is very important that you are in charge of what is being done to you.  A good, sensitive lover will be responsive to your signals, but if your date’s an oaf, then give him some training.  That you’ve hung your arse out on the line (how delicately I put these things!) doesn’t mean you’ve left a sign on the door saying,   ‘China Shop – Bulls Enter Here.’

And be warned - taking a guy, if you want it that way, may need some working up to and it’s important that you give yourself the time to get there.  Don’t be in a rush and don’t be over ambitious or you’ll find the experience too painful and off-putting.  Indeed,  If you find it’s not working out then don’t write off the project completely.  There are so many factors that may have a bearing on the comfort or otherwise of being penetrated such as the time of day, the location or setting, the size of the guy and the guy himself.  In time, you will get to know what works for you.

Top Dog ...

Now, for you top guys, you’re probably already fired up with your chaps on and a saddle bag full of lubes and condom, but hold on cowboy,  this ain’t no bucking bronco competition.   If you plan on being invited back try and make a graceful entrance at the start, especially with a newbie, and don’t forget to vary the pace and be responsive to your partner.  He will let you know when he’s comfortable for you to become more vigourous, and be sure, when he is directing you to ease off, to do so.

Sex is a game for two and like dancing it works best when the two partners achieve synchronicity.

Not even going there ...

As, I suggested, this aspect of sex is very personal and it is not unusual that some couples will enjoy only a passive relationship.  Speaking personally, I was in such a relationship for a time and I can honestly say that I did not feel I was missing out.  The sex was still very stimulating and the intimacy as strong.

It's your choice ...

So, whether you choose passive, top, bottom or versatile, the choice is yours to make and you needn't feel under any pressure to conform.

1 comment:

  1. Nice post. As someone who came out later in life, I well remember my genuine fear when I realized I was actually going to be taken by a man. Though I'd of course fantasized and dreamed of this very moment, the reality had me sweating, literally quaking. Fortunately, my lover was oh-so tender and sensitive. He whispered and prepped me and used his fingers before finally taking me. That first instant, as his penis finally broke through my way-too tight anus, was utterly glorious! All my fantasies were at last a reality.